Pop Tarts

Pop Tarts make me feel like Miley Cyrus when they are playing her song. When I bite into a Pop Tart I just want to put my hands up, nod my head like "yeah" and move my hips like "yeah". I don't actually know what those lyrics mean exactly, but that is how Pop Tarts make me feel. They take me to a time of innocence when I was pretty sure Snake Eyes, Splinter, and Jake the Snake all hung out on the weekends. They take me to a time when I thought my mom was awesome just because she could toast Pop Tarts and if she ever left I would have to eat them cold. But most of all the take me back to a time when calories didn't matter and the woman who does my grocery shopping didn't refuse to buy them.

Blueberry, brown sugar cinnamon, cherry, chocolate fudge, raspberry, smores, strawberry, and wild berry. Pop Tarts come in lots of flavors and each packs about 5 grams of fat (1.5 of that being saturated), 200 calories, 7-10% of daily sodium intake, 12-13% of carbs, and 17-20 grams of sugar PER POP TART!

There are only a few rules with Pop Tarts.
1. No one eats one Pop Tart. They are consumed in pairs. Pop Tarts are sad when eaten without a friend.
2. Most foods require a plate, Pop Tarts are okay to eat off of a paper towel.
3. Unless you want to be ridiculed by everyone in your kindergarten class (like the booger eater) you should never eat Pop Tarts cold.
4. NO ONE EVER EVER EVER EATS UNFROSTED POP TARTS. EVER.............EVER.

So, rule #1 means when you decide to sit down with a package of Pop Tarts you are getting 400 calories and 40 sugars! This is why Pop Tarts are the food of children. It is not because we grow up and decide bran flakes are the proper thing to eat, it's because we are stuck at a desk all day and can't run around the yard all day pretending to be a dragon slayer and due to that we burn close to -35 calories a day. I love Pop Tarts. They are the pinnacle of pastries. When I spent about 50% of my day in constant motion I could chow down on them, but now when 71% (literally, I did the math)of my day is spent either at work or in bed I have to eat a Kashi bar with my eyes closed tight while I try my hardest to remember what it felt like as my teeth crunched down on a frosted outside, sugary filling, and a thin pastry crust.

Pre-Sports Music

Calm. Mild Mannered. Even keeled. These are terms that many people would probably use to describe me. Like most people, I tend to get pumped up and act like a contestant on "Wild and Crazy Kids" when I am with my friends. At work, church, pumping gas, or when I am covertly buying feminine hygiene products for the wife I am a pretty low-key dude. Shop at The Gap, listen to 1580 AM radio, have a lab, drive a Subaru, enjoy eating chicken at most meals, and I have no tattoos, body piercings, facial hair, or even gel in my hair. Boring, normal, white American.

This all changes when I am gearing up to play the high octane, severely contact sports that are tennis, Ultimate frisbee, and long distance running (but not too long distance thanks to my chronic asthma and love of all things chocolate). As I drive to the public parks to play these sports played by fathers, grandfathers, church goers, and girls I have to be 100% amped up for destruction. When I gently toss the frisbee so it floats over the head of that guy I know from the local organization against under age drinking and right into the hands of the girl who is in a prayer group with my wife I need adrenaline coursing through my veins like Bulls On Parade.

Bulls On Parade by Rage Against The Machine. This is one of my classic songs that I listen to as I drive 3 miles over the speed limit to play a pick up game of a sport where "The disk never lies" is how one decides confrontation. Please take the time to picture me driving down the road in my Subaru littered with stickers from National Parks while banging my head and screaming at the top of my lungs to the following lyrics.

"Come wit it now!
Come wit it now!
The microphone explodes, shattering the molds
Ya either drop tha hits like de la O or get tha f*** off tha commode
Wit tha sure shot, sure ta make tha bodies drop
Drop an don't copy yo, don't call this a co-opt
Terror rains drenchin', quenchin' tha thirst of tha power dons
That five sided fist-a-gon
Tha rotten sore on tha face of mother earth gets bigger
Tha triggers cold now empty ya purse

they rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells

Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal
I walk tha corner to tha rubble that used to be a library
Linin' to the mind cemetery now
What we don't know keeps tha contracts alive an movin'
They don't gotta burn tha books they just remove 'em
While arms warehouses fill as quick as tha cells
Rally round tha family, pockets full of shells

Rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells

Bulls on parade!
Bulls on parade!
Bulls on parade!
Bulls on parade!
Bulls on parade!"

Notice how I put *stars* where the cuss word is in the song. I didn't do that simply because my wife would beat me up if I cussed on my blog, I did that because that is what I do when I am yelling along with Zack de la Rocha. I sing every word except for the curse words.

Another favorite of mine to listen to before I play in these games is "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ8_dswW-18&feature=related

Yep, when I sit in church every week and sing lyrics like "You're the light in this darkness, you're the hope to the hopeless" apparently I am really thinking "The world is a vampire, sent to drain. Secret destroyers hold you up to the flame".

What is wrong with me? Why must I listen to music that promotes anarchy and despair before playing some of the most peaceful sports ever invented by man? Why do lyrics that don't jive with who I am as a person seem to pump me up so much? Is it necessary for me to believe that I would rally around my family with a pocket full of shells while secret destroyers hold me up to flame just to volley a little fuzzy greenish yellow ball back at my opponent?

I don't know, but I do know that upon reaching my destination I am eager to violently embarrass my opponent, I am ready to punch someone in the gut as I slowly count to ten while they hold a frisbee looking for an open man, and more than anything I am just really really worn out and ready to take a nap.

3-D

So, it is looking more and more like 3-D is here to stay. Currently movies that were filmed in 2-D are being doctored up after the fact to be 3-D and most blockbuster type movies planned for the future are planned to be filmed in 3-D. TVs are even starting to come out in 3-D although most of us won't be able to afford one until after the Apocalypse.

I have only seen two movies in 3-D and they were Up and Avatar. Up was lame. Avatar was wild. Avatar was such an event type movie that I enjoyed the 3-D but at the same time it made it more of an event and less of a movie I could immerse myself in.

I have two main problems with 3-D today. One is the glasses. I understand the need for the glasses for it to work but until we figure out a way to do 3-D without them I will not be a fan. The entire time I watch a movie in 3-D I think two things. The first thing I think is, "Wow, this movie looks amazing. How in the world is it three dimensional?". The second thing I think is, "Wow, these glasses are so annoying. how in the world am I supposed to focus on the movie with these things on my face?". Not good. Apparently Nintendo is coming out with a Nintendo 3D DS which will be in 3D and may not require glasses. If this technology works and they can work it into the movie platform this will alleviate one of my issues.

My other issue is the price. In Columbus the prices are $11.75 a piece right now or $9.25 for matinee. For real? I pay $18.18 a month to be a 3 DVD at a time member of Netflix. Let's figure I watch 2 (I watch way more) movies a week, or 8.67 movies a month. That means I pay $2.10 a movie for both Katherine and myself to watch it, compared to $23.50 at the theater in 3-D. Over 11 times more! Now, I love going to the movies. It is one of my favorite past times. But, I also take pride in running a good family budget and there is just no way this works into it.

In the past people who spend like crazy have affected very few but themselves. But, because 3-D movies keep breaking records production companies are not only making more movies in 3-D, but getting more screens switched to 3-D and raising the prices even more. If you will pay it they will charge it. So I just want to take this time to thank all of the people out there who despite the scary economy are spending so much money on 3-D that I may never be able to afford it again. Call me cheap, but I am not paying 11 times more that I have to for any product.

Anyways, I am not a fan of 3-D. Too expensive and the glasses make me feel like I am watching a movie and less like I am a cat like pirate wearing a suit made of iron while floating in a house held aloft by balloons. Everyone else enjoy the theaters, I will be at home remembering we are in a recession.

Beaver Run Pool

As the weather slowly, and I mean slowly, starts to look more and more like spring I fondly think back to my childhood summer days spent at the Beaver Run pool. I think the Beaver Run pool was special because it allowed me to have an experience similar to growing up with a local pool in the 60's. It was safe, it was cold, it was crowded, it smelled of mass quantities of sunscreen and chlorine, and there was usually a lifeguard dressed in red. Looking back I know none of these life guards were "lookers" but as a 12 year old boy I thought they were my Wendy Peppercorn.

Summer days would run into each other and really the only day that was different from the others was Sunday because I had church. Other than Sunday I was at the pool almost every day of the summer from about 11 years of age to 15. When my friends would get dropped off by their parents at my house we would spend the day at the pool and the other kids wouldn't even introduce themselves, they were just melded into the group without question. One more kid for pool games was something to be celebrated not questioned.

As a younger kid I would try and get involved in the pick up games of Shark but the older kids would dominate me. Flying overhead, diving underneath, or just swimming around me there was no catching them. I was an extra body but not much of a competitive one. Over the years I found myself soaring over the heads of 10 year old sharks treading water right in front of me. At the time I felt like I watched myself become a man at the Beaver Run pool.

What made the games of Shark so special was not just swimming from one side to the other but the massive chains we would for to protect our friends from being Shark, jumping wildly into the pool while screaming, "Shark Bait" and trying to surprise the person who is the shark, and best of all was whispering your plan to a friend to do a "Drain Chain" and it done correctly reach the other side without any semblance of being caught.

Nothing as an adult can compete with the all inclusiveness that Shark felt like. When I would head to the pool on a Wednesday afternoon and feel the sting of over chlorinated water on my eyes there were no worries in the world. School was months away, work was non existent, girls were exciting but not in the picture yet, and Shark was all that mattered. The only thing I can be grateful for is when the life guard yells, "Adult Swim", I can continue swimming and don't have to try and avoid boredom for 10 to 15 minutes.

Operation Repo

As I have stated in earlier posts, the new baby has my wife and I stuck in doors for agonizing amounts of time. The day we can take her up to Pine Mountain and hike a few miles will be a day I can't contain my excitement. Like most Americans one thing that takes up much of my time while indoors is a TV. We have many many shows that currently are set to record each week. The ones that are currently in a season that we are watching are SNL, The Soup, Tosh.O, The Office, Parks and Recreation, Community, 30 Rock, House, Lost, American Idol, and embarrassingly Project Runway. Thats a lot of TV. If you take American Idol into account that is about 175 hours of TV per week! We are stuck inside so much that this somehow is not enough. We go through movies from Netflix like there is a minimum requirement for the amount of movies seen to get into heaven at the end of our life.

This weekend I found a new show I liked, no, loved. Operation Repo. It is similar to Dog The Bounty Hunter but the people on the show are somewhat less skeezy and the job is somewhat less sketchy. Katherine and I watched in amazement as people became livid over their vehicles being repossessed after they had failed to make payments for 4 months. Words were said, fists were thrown, mace was sprayed, and guns were pulled.

The first episode that first made me question the reality of the show was one that saw the repo group go to a secluded plot of land that was owned by gang members. When the gang members saw them it led to gun fire and the repo guys jumping in the car and swiftly leaving the scene. The camera showed the car drive quickly away. Wait. What? The camera angle showed them drive quickly away? That means the camera crew was left with violent gang members who were shooting with the intent to kill. Okay.

A few days later the episode had them pull up to a home that the guys car whom the were repossessing was parked at. He was a pool cleaner and was supposed to be cleaning the pool. They rang the front door but no one answered so they went around back to check out the pool. When the repo guy got back there the pool guy came out of the house shirtless and buttoning his pants. A woman still in lingerie followed. And then another woman buttoning up her shirt came out. Seemed like something right out of a movie, not something out of a reality show that is in fact based on reality.

I got suspicious and looked it up on the internet. Turns out this show is simply based on real events. They use paid actors to reenact these events and I am sure they don't add any drama to these situations or make up situations! Lame. There is a warning before the show starts that says as much but is worded in such a way that unless you are really paying attention you don't catch on to. I have never been a big fan of reality television and this finished me off. My only question is if this is based on reality couldn't they have found someone who looked less like the love child of Satan, Ursula from Little Mermaid, and Pennywise the clown from It to play Sonia.

The Boy Who Never Slept and Never Had To

I just finished reading DC Pierson's first book "The Boy Who Never Slept and Never Had To". DC Pierson wrote and starred in a movie that was popular at movie festivals last year called "Mystery Team" and has guested on the popular show, "Community".

The book starts out as the story of a typical high school student who is into video games, Star Wars, super heroes, and avoiding conversations at all costs. What makes the book so lovable at first is the fact that we all knew someone like this in high school and even had a few traits similar to him. One of the best parts of the book is when he goes to house party with the high school drama team and they are all dancing to music playing over a computer.

SPOILER

The book somehow finds it way into science fiction. The main character befriends another nerdy kid who eventually shares that he is unable to sleep. This lack of sleep eventually evolves into him having day long hallucinations and eventually these hallucinations become real. Craziness ensues, but only for a few brief time because it is introduced so late in the book.

One of the main things I took from this book is a wonderment of what my brain would hallucinate into existence if given the power. Let's just say the world would know the fury that is millions of T-Rex riding,semi-nude replicas of my wife attacking the world while brandishing Chinese throwing stars and singing The White Stripes, "Seven Nation Army" at the top of their lungs. Please take a moment to be thankful that this book is only fiction and if you are one of the few people that happens to enjoy a story about an awkward teenager who somehow befriends another awkward teenager with super powers then also take a moment to read, "The Boy Who Never Slept and Never Had To".

Sonic

My wife, Katherine, and I recently brought our baby home from the hospital. She was born over 3 months early and spent the first two months of her life in the hospital. She is home now and other than keeping me up all night is doing great. The only real issue we have had so far is a serious case of cabin fever. Luckily, I can get out of the house to work but then I am back in to our house that at times feels like a torture dungeon. My wife is stuck inside at all times except for doctor's appointments and once I kept the baby so she could go to church. Let me clarify that it is not our baby, Mckinley, that makes our home feel like a torture dungeon but the fact that we can't leave to do ANYTHING! Want to see a movie? Too bad. Want to go out to eat? Too bad. Want to go grocery shopping? Too bad. Want to go run some errands? Too bad. Want to go to a park? Too bad.

So, this past Friday Kat and I figured out a way to foil the dungeon master that is Colonel Possible Sickness and go out to eat. How would we do that with a baby that isn't allowed to go anywhere you ask? Sonic. There are few things in life that a place like Sonic is the answer for but when one wants to eat out but can't leave the confines of your car Sonic is the answer. Kat, Mckinley, and myself all piled in our car and drove to the closest Sonic having little to no idea what we would find on the menu. We have cheered Sonic on for years after falling in love with their commercials, but we suddenly realized after all this time of stopping the fast forward of our DVR during commercials to watch the new Sonic commercial we had never paid attention to the food they advertise on said commercials. I knew something about how they offered sandwiches on toasted bread because they often make fun of Burger King for not offering this item that is apparently just amazing. Once at Sonic it takes us about 5 minutes to take in the map of the world that is the Sonic menu. Burgers, chicken sandwiches, fries, onion rings, cheese sticks, limeades, slushies, shakes, ice cream, dollar menus, combos, corn dogs, and flavors to add to your drink amazed and confused us. I ended up getting stuff off of the dollar menu simply because I am cheap but I did spring for a limeade which had way more lime than it did ade. After eating our food we finally realized why Sonic had leaned so heavily on humor and avoided it's food except for quick clips. If you were on the ad team for Cheesecake Factory or Carrabba's life would be easy, just shoot a slowly moving angle of the food. If you are on the ad team for Sonic life just got hard. Quirky humor is your only hope. Diner food is good but it hasn't sold itself since the 1950's.

The food wasn't great and it wasn't bad, but Sonic served it's purpose wonderfully. It got us out the house on a Friday night when no other options were available. It filled our bellies with something other than pick up El Vaquero or Morningstar wanna be meat. It kept Mckinley safe from all of those big, bad germs but allowed mom and dad to keep their sanity for a few more days. It felt like a big deal just because it was a first for us, now I just have to remind myself next time, that you are supposed to tip the Sonic guy that carries the food to your car so I don't look like an idiotic cheapskate again.