Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Nutz

Occasionally things come into fashion that at best serve no purpose and make the user look a bit odd and at worst are offensive. A neck tie is the former, a bow tie is the latter. Jorts are the former, butt cleavage is the latter. Water bras are the former, nipple enhancers () are the latter. Fake bullet hole stickers for your car are the former, fake human testicles that dangle from the rear of your car are the latter.

Fake Human Testicles That Dangle From The Rear Of Your Car would be a catchy name, but instead they used Nutz. Let's go through the list of things we do for fashion that don't make sense.

Serve No Purpose
A truck is clearly a vehicle made for a man. Not just a man, but a man that does man things. You won't see many business men in NYC driving a man truck around because they spend their time picking up lattes not picking up bales of hay. When you purchase a pick up truck you are in essence screaming, "I am so much of a man, a fully closed in vehicle cannot contain my manliness". There is nothing else you need to add to your truck. Everything else just makes it overboard. Big tires? Good luck not looking like a little kid climbing into your man truck. Lowering your truck? Let's see you not look like an idiot going 2 miles an hour at an angle over speed bumps? A grill protector? Yes, that would be useful for bumper cars but serves little purpose for hauling away the bear you just killed with a knife.

Attaching plastic human testicles to the back of your truck? What purpose could this possibly send? Is it like a male peacock that spreads his extravagant feathers to lure in lady peacocks? Maybe so, but I do not think testicles are one of the top reasons a girl falls for a guy, or even one of the bottom reasons. Is it trying to let everyone know that, "Hey, a man drives this truck!"? Like I already said, a truck is the one vehicle that everyone assumes a man is the driver. If you bought a bright yellow VW Bug then maybe Nutz would make sense, but not on a truck.

So, Nutz serve no purpose.

Make the User Look Odd
Styles have slowly changed over many year to where women show more of their legs, stomach, arms, neck, feet, chest, and bottom. Men's fashion has changed to where we show more neck, a little more arm, and a little more leg if the weather is hot enough. Fashion shows that the people do not really want to see too much of the male body. The one thing that every single fashion that has ever gained popularity in America has in common is it's ability to cover up the male genitalia. Even the male swim suit has the shorts like material on the outside and netting on the inside.

The people have spoken. Nutz should stay behind at least two layers of fabric at all times.

Offensive
Movies come out every week that contain a female baring her breasts to anyone willing to go to the local theater and spend a small fortune on a ticket and popcorn. When a movie decides to include a nude man the media acts like they are killing babies in the film. Look up Forgetting Sarah Marshall controversy on google, it's all about the male goods. Borat was known for being a jew hating racist, but most of the controversy for the film came from the male nudity. Eastern Promises was one of the best films to come out in 2007 but was often referred to as "The Weiner Fight movie" Male genitalia is offensive, plain and simple.

Nutz serve no purpose, make the driver look like a tool, and offend everyone except other tool bags. In conclusion, I leave you with this....



Side Note: If there are any big scary guys who have Nutz on their truck reading this then I take all of this back and Nutz are super classy.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

You Could Have Burped

A show that I immensely enjoy these days is, "How I Met Your Mother". I am a pretty buttoned up guy, so you might question why I would enjoy a show that spends so much time focusing on guys trying to sleep with girls. I mean, there is a whole episode based around two guys competing to see who can have a threesome first. Let me list the reasons why I love it anyways:

1. Jason Segel as Marshall. The most redeemable character on the show to me. When I watch this show, I can't stop myself from wishing we were friends the whole time.

2. Neil Patrick Harris, so hot right now, Neil Patrick Harris.

3. Alyson Hannigan. Okay, so she played one of the most annoying characters ever in American Pie but in this show she is what I would want my wife to be like if I wasn't already married. She is cute, fun, and so supportive she texts her husband while he is on the toilet. Nice!

4. Barney Stinson's theories. They are always elaborate but seem to make some sense.

5. The entire premise of the show is based on a man searching for his future wife. At least when he is out sleeping with tons of people he is doing it in hopes of finding the "one". Not very biblical...but still...it's TV, cut it some slack.

6. Suit Up!

7. Bob Saget is the voice of Ted grown up. Random, yet cool.

8. Cobie Smulders. Okay, she isn't actually my favorite but that name is AWESOME!

9. Marshall and Lilly are such an amazing example of what a married couple should look like to me.

10. This show quotes the bible or has biblical themes fairly often for a comedy on tv. Marshall beautifully quoted 1 Corinthians 13 in one episode. It was made into a joke immediately after that, but if my pastor would have read that verse in my wedding as tenderly as Marshall did in this episode I would have cried.

These are many reasons why I love the show. There are more. I could make a lists as long as Barney's list of places to make love but I won't. I won't because the main reason I love this show is one scene. It takes place at Marshall and Lilly's wedding. They have been unable to eat because everyone is talking and hugging them. Lilly keeps drinking champagne so that she can have the strawberry that is on the edge of the glass. She becomes a bit drunk. This is what follows

Lily Aldrin: I had four strawberries.
Ted Mosby: Was there a side of champagne with each of those strawberries?
Lily Aldrin: [burping] Yes!
Marshall Eriksen: Lily, you could have burped, or said the word yes, but the fact that you did both is exactly why I married you.

Right there. What Marshall said. When it comes down to it these types of things are what make love beautiful to me. Roses, kisses, weddings, babies, diamonds, dates. Anyone can have these things, they might be part of love, but they aren't what love is.

Lilly stood there tipsy in her wedding dress and burped a word like a dang preschooler. Most would be appalled or at least turned off by this. Love instead makes it something that just makes you love that person more.



I audibly hum when I am really enjoying a dinner. Weird. Kat loves it.

Katherine often forgets to rinse the soap off of her neck in the shower. Odd. I love it.

I have pooped my pants in front of Kat and vomited in front of her on separate occasions. Disgusting. Somehow, it makes me more lovable to Kat.

Kat is a super clean freak when it comes to beds. Annoying. Even when I have to shower before bed when I just showered a few hours ago it makes me love her even more.

The things that make us quirky make our significant others love us even more and this scene in this show captures it perfectly.

I'll leave you with this thought. If you ever find yourself in a relationship and you accidentally poop your pants while in Mexico and your spouse gets grossed out, it is probably time to wonder if they really love you. If you ever are asked a question and you burp the answer and your spouse does anything but smile lovingly, it is probably time to wonder if they really love you.