I love old people. They have sweets in their pockets that they are willing to share. They have stories of times way cooler than today. Many elderly men have killed someone which is way more than I can say for myself. But mostly they all answer to names like "Noni", "Nana", "Big Mama", "Papa", "Gang Gang", and even as my great grandfather was referred to "Daddy Wow Wow". That is awesome. They are like really sweet, slow people with a hard core rapper secret identity.
If you ever are around an older person you know they are cuter and nicer than any of us could ever be. When I go to Wal-Mart my fury shows to everyone and I can barely pay for my wart remover cream (don't ask) without biting one of the two clerks who are working head off. You can smell the anger dripping out of my pores. Meanwhile old people are buying weeks worth of cat food and hundreds of magazines that they will be forced to read alone because their spouse either died or has no idea what is going on, and they are smiling the entire time. They carry on conversations with the Wal-Mart employees that are more friendly than I have my best friends.
Sure they are agonizingly slow with every single action they take but their personality makes it worth every moment of your time that they take up. With one glaring expectation. In the day and age where everyone uses credit cards or debit cards and the one goof ball who is on the envelope system busts out a few hundred dollars in tens and twentys and slows the whole line down, old people cling to their paper checks in fear of change. Checks were once the way of the future. That future sucked. Can you imagine waiting for every single person in the world to fill out a check when they buy something. The terrorists would win. Zombies would attack. North Korea would have a better nuclear weapons program than they already do. Katherine Heigl comedies would fill the theaters. Checks are the bane of any speedy shoppers existence.
Old people are great. I love them and I am excited that soon, thanks to the baby boom, we will have more of them. Is there any way we can train them to use a debit card and get rid of these check users though? Please.
Awesome. Love it. Although I don't share your fondness of old people for the following reasons:
ReplyDelete1. Driving. I was literally going less than 10 mph down 2nd avenue today, behind a old caddy with nothing but bufont white hair sticking up from behind the wheel.
2. Eating. Have you ever watched an old person eat? All the shaking of the fork. And when that shaking fork finally touches the lips, it has like .0001278 ounces of food on it. And that food somehow never gets inside their mouth.
And lastly,
3. You have to be nice to them because they're old people and being nice to people is just no fun. (I know, I know. I'm mean.)