Man Soap

Typically men are not very picky when it comes to what soap they use. Until I got married I would use the shampoo lather off of my head to bathe with for about 65% of my showers. 25% of the time I would a cheap bar of soap, and the other 10% I would just trust the purity of the water to cleanse my man sweat off. Something about sharing a bed with a fresher smelling, softer skinned, less hairy, less awkward looking version of man quickly changed my shower habits. It might have been because she inspired me to be a better man, but most likely it had more to do with the hopes of sexy time. All of this to say, men don't really care. As long as we smell less like butt after the shower than we did before than we are relatively pleased with our shower experience.

Apparently Old Spice, Axe, and Dove are aiming to change that. From my memory there was little competition in the man soap department until Axe came out with their uber sexified version of soap commercials. Suddenly every boy between the ages of 13-30 noticed that the man's body needs a different product to clean away the dirt and grime that men collect on their bodies throughout the day. It took a few years, but on Super Bowl 2010 night, Dove and Old Spice jumped into the game harder than ever before. They had the product before, but they had not put this kind of effort behind advertising.

All three companies have a "man scrubber".

The Axe Detailer. Because apparently a man's body will look like a washed and waxed Maserati if it is just washed extra hard.



The Old Spice Deck Scrubber to remove, "Dirt, Odor, and Barnacles". Okay, men are gross but if you ever have something that can be referred to as a barnacle on your body please go to a doctor, not to the soap aisle.



Then we have the Dove Men+Care Active Clean Shower Tool which is the wordiest name for a cleaning product I have ever heard but at least it isn't cheesy.



I actually own one of the Axe Detailers so I shouldn't make too much fun since I clearly fell prey to the ads but I am going to make fun despite that. Let's be honest with our selves though, these scrubbers are simply the less gay cousin of a loofah. The fact that they threw a scrubber on the back of the loofah seems a lot like a guy in high school who is in every drama production, but always plays the bad guy. Less gay than some, but still gay.

Not only does the scrubber side simply make it a glorified loofah, it also makes it a really painful version of the loofah. As much as the commercials try and convince us, men do not have knee caps made of similar quality to a car hood, we don't have elbows as hard and sharp as the deck of a boat, and we don't have footballs and chainsaws falling out of our armpits. When you take rough fabric and rub it across your body it hurts. My knees may be a lot less sexy than my wife's knees, but when you really get down to it they are the same dang things. Not only does the scrubber hurt but the piece of plastic that attaches the scrubber and the loofah is just a safety hazard. If you get moving too quickly in the shower because you are rushing to see the Top 10 on Sportscenter and you know it is coming on any minute and that piece of plastic accidentally rubs your skin you will be down for the count. I have had scrapes and bruises on my feet and legs for days a time thanks to trying to have a 60 second shower while using this thing.

In conclusion, I am a hypocrite. I was tricked by the commercials and felt that as a man I needed one of these magical man sponges. I will most likely buy one again mainly because I hate walking up to the store counter with a pink loofah in hand. I can't stand this product, but this one perfectly hilarious commercial makes me happy for their existence. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE"