I don't have an astounding amount of friends. If you take a look at my Facebook page it would lead you to believe that I have 637 friends. Most of these 637 friends are actually current acquaintances, former acquaintances, childhood friends, or something even less like a friend. I typically don't make enemies. I would say the few closest things I have to an enemy are a few ex-girlfriends but even they aren't enemies, more just people who are incredibly awkward to be around.
All that to say that I don't have tons of "friends". In the best friend department I have more than the average person though! In my mind I almost have to quantify which level of "best friend" a person falls into because once I really get to know a person, I love that person deeply and they are no longer just an acquaintance or friend but are a "best friend". That is confusing though because I can't just lump some guy I've known for six months in with a friend I've had since I was six.
Anyways, the previous few paragraphs simply provide further proof that I over think really odd parts of life. Back on track.
JONATHAN KELLER is in my top tier of best friends and here are a few reasons:
- Longevity
- He has been one of my best friends since my freshman year of high school
- This makes him my second longest lasting "best friend", I apparently had a bad habit of running them off earlier in life
- Experiences
- He was there when I learned to drive
- Saw DMB and Widespread Panic for the first time with him
- Actually probably about 80% of my concert experiences are with him
- Numerous beach trips, Helen, Chattanooga, Vegas, so many Subway Christmas parties that the managers thought I was gay, Okefenokee, Bonnaroo, etc.
- Lazy college days by the pool
- Other
- Made many of the dumbest decisions of my life with him by my side, but he was also right there with me when we realized that said decisions were dumb and it was time to grow up
- Introduced me to my beautiful wife and I can trust him around her at all times because they are cousins
- Was one of the two best men in his wedding even though he wasn't mine. Had to go with my dad. Sorry Hawk and Keller
- Picked a girl to marry who I now share a love/hate relationship with which is actually really really fun. Honestly, she is super sweet and I love that he brought her into our group
- Even if we grow to hate each other we will still be in each other's lives thanks to the annual family Easter Egg Hunt
So, JONATHAN KELLER recently bought a motorcycle. He was very excited to show his new purchase off to the guys and when he finally did we did what any group of guys would do and made as much fun of him as possible. It was rather easy because he is about as lanky as they come and being the frugal man that he is he bought a modestly sized bike. He did not however purchase a modestly sized helmet. He climbs on this bike wearing shorts and Chacos, his knees come up to his chin, his elbows splay out to the sides, and his head wobbles back and forth due to the weight.
Eventually the guys stopped poking fun and began to help him work on the bike and even took turns riding the bike. I however have held steady to my skepticism, mean spirited humor, and aloofness to his purchase. I have even made a habit of informing him every time I see a motorcycle accident and tease him that he could be next.
From the outside looking in it would appear that I am simply a giant jerk and one would wonder why JONATHAN KELLER would choose to maintain a friendship with me. It is because he knows that I actually do not typically make fun of people that often and that the reason I won't let the motorcycle humor drop is because I love him. I'd take a bullet for him, nay, I'd take a nuclear bomb for him, I'd let his wife and him live in our guest bedroom if needed, I'd loan him money no questions asked, I'd raise his kids if he and his wife ever died (which I might need to since he owns a motorcycle), heck I'd even let him kiss my wife! But, only so that I could then refer to both of them as Kissin Cousins for the rest of our lives.
So when I see him get on his motorcycle my heart aches because it is simply an idiotic decision.
My Opinion
- When you sit down in a car, your first action is to strap on your seatbelt. Motorcycles don't have seatbelts.
- It is no longer legal to ride in the bed of a truck, but it is legal to ride a motorcycle. WHAT?
- Helmets are great, but as humans we also have torsos, arms, legs, and bottoms!
- Deer, rabbits, dogs, cats, possums, zombies, and blind people!
- Most operators of cars are dumb and don't pay attention. I used to read a book everyday while driving to school in college. Do you really want to ride by a person doing that?
- We live two minutes from Alabama, so if you think most drivers are bad then you don't know the half of it.
Actual facts
- According to the U.S. National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, in 2006, 13.10 cars of of 100,000 ended up in fatal crashes. The rate for motorcycles is 72.34 per 100,000 registered motorcycles.
- Motorcycles rider deaths were nearly 30 times more than drivers of other vehicles.
- Motorcycle riders aged below 40 (JONATHAN KELLER) are 36 times more likely to be killed than other vehicle operators of the same age.
I HATE motorcycles. Not being funny or humorous. I HATE them. They are incredibly dangerous for the rider and many of the riders create dangerous situations for other vehicles. There are still blood stains in my wife's Xterra from picking up a friend who had a motorcycle accident almost 5 year ago!
Motorcycle enthusiasts love to preach that car drivers need to watch out for motorcycles. And I agree, partially. They really should watch out better, but I only partly agree because the motorcyclist is the one putting his life in the hands of others. And he isn't even putting his hands in the way of the best and brightest in the world, just any old joe that happens to drive by him. I hope that drivers are always paying attention and that I could in theory go crawling down the road without someone overlooking me and running me over. But, I'm not going to try it!
I hear that most sharks won't bite unless provoked but I'm not going to swim with one!
Motorcyclists arguments are flimsy is all I'm saying. If you are on one and a car cuts you off or hits you then sure you can and should be mad. We as a car driving populace need to be more careful. But really, at least half the blame is on you, right? You got on the motorcycle knowing that most people are careless drivers, knowing that the fatality rate is shockingly higher on a motorcycle than in a car, and since most motorcycle owners own a car in addition to a motorcycle you are riding that motorcycle solely for fun.
In closing. JONATHAN KELLER Is Dumb.
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