Husband Nos Fashion

I'm a man that enjoys timeless things. Trends are not my bag. It often means I am not cool enough to hang out with the "in" crowd. I don't listen to the right bands, I don't read the right books, I don't use the right slang, I don't shake hands the right way, I don't do my hair the right way, etc, etc, etc.

Currently others are big into Lady Gaga, I am still big into The Rolling Stones. Others are big into skinny jeans, I still wear my loose fit jeans. Others are big into the X Games, I like the slow pace of baseball. Others are big into the Twilight books, I could read To Kill A Mockingbird over and over for the rest of my life. Others wear an emo haircut (the male Kate Gosselin do), I have the same haircut I had when I was 4.

Being into timeless things has it's drawbacks. In high school I could never land the girls I liked. If I ever hung out with high school kids they would think I was a grandpa even though I am only 10 years older than them. My legs don't look wonderfully skinny like those who shop for their pants in the girls department. When I picture a vampire I still picture a cape, not sparkles. Lady Gaga has over 1 billion views on Youtube of all of her videos combined, I just heard my first Lady Gaga song a few months ago...and I was scared.

So, yes not following trends sometimes make me seem like a hermit. But, it also has some wonderful advantages. Namely, photographic evidence of my past. When one follows trends they are inevitably dressing or acting in a way that is different than the historical norm. This is fine.What is not fine is that trends are ALWAYS changing. So, as the trend changes you have to change with it or else you are now going against the historical norm in a lonely and bad way.

Example: Hair in the 80's.

Now, I bet circa 1982 this girl was HAWT. Her hair was screaming, "I AM POPULAR AND TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IS COOL. ALL GIRLS WISH THEY WERE ME". I am sure that as soon as big hair lost it's cool, this girl quickly changed her hair style. Had man not invented photography, all would be fine. Unfortunately, someone took a picture of her hair and it is now floating around the internet over 25 years later.

Photography is the number one reason you should not follow trends. I may not be super cool today, but I also don't have hundreds of pictures showing me look super uncool throughout my entire life. It doesn't matter how cool big hair was in the 80's, when you see the picture you see the horribleness of the trend not the coolness. My gray tennis shoes, blue jeans, and black polo might look boring today, but at least in 20 years when I see a photo of myself today I will still only look boring and not like an idiot.

So, why is the title of this post "Husband Nos Fashion"? While many women dream of a husband that knows fashion, I think my wife is happy to have a husband that nos fashion. Katherine will occasionally come to me and ask if she should get a particular article of clothing, and I will simply say, "No".

Okay, that isn't entirely true. The truth is Katherine will occasionally come to me and ask if she should get a particular article of clothing, and I will go into a long diatribe of why said article of clothing is the bane of my existence and how it will inevitably lead to the end of mankind.

After my long, heated lecture on the subject Katherine will often agree and put on her jeans and striped tshirt, throw her hair in a pony tail and look super sexy. If you look at my wife 4 1/2 years ago when we got married there will be no giggles. You will be overcome a desire to know her, because she is beautiful, cute, innocent, and best of all, classic. At least that's what happens when I look at her. Even if all that doesn't happen to you, you will surely notice that she looks pretty similar today to what she looked like 4 1/2 years ago. This is because her husband nos fashion.

A few items that have not made the cut in our household.

GAUCHOS

These were incredibly popular a few years ago and looking back they were some of the worst designed pants ever made. I’m not even sure why girls liked them in the first place. They are always complaining about their thighs, yet they suddenly want to wear pants that are tight on their thighs and huge everywhere else? Makes you look like a lumpy pirate.

BANGS

I often make the argument that straight bangs make a girl look like a Yorkshire puppy. I realize that this argument makes no sense, but it feels right in my heart. Instead of sticking to that argument I will instead showing you two different pictures of the same girl. One with bangs, the other without. One she looks like she is wearing a bad wig, the other she looks like she could be a super model or something.

UGG BOOTS

Granted, Kat does have a pair of these that she wore when we went to Montana and Washington. That’s fine, we all look like goobers when it’s cold. But, when they become a problem is when you wear them with shorts or skirts. Clearly, according to these girls clothes the weather is warm but for some reason they have winter boots on. Not only do these ladies look strange, but I bet their feet smell rather strange when they take the boots off. Cowboy boots with skirts/shorts fall in a similar vein. Either you are ready for a rodeo or you are not. If wearing something makes your mini skirt look even easier, maybe you should pass.

As for me, I will continue my fight for classic, timeless things. All I ask from you is that when that next cool thing comes along just imagine your 65 year old self looking back at a photo of it and then make your decision.