Meth Travel

I don't have a whole ton of experience with drugs myself, but that doesn't matter. Cinema gives me a perfectly one hundred percent accurate portrayal of what each kind of drug does to a person. Alcohol makes a person either sexually harass women at work or get murdered by some sort of monster/serial killer. Pot makes a person wear tie dye and occasionally kill horses by feeding them sweets. LSD makes a person think they are a golden god. Cocaine makes a person wear suits, sport a douchey haricut, and sell stocks. Heroin makes a person spot trains? Meth makes a person....well, I don't know what meth does. Not a whole lot of movies about meth. Not to worry, I know of a commercial we can watch to get an idea of what meth does!



Holy donkey poop. Meth has to be the most amazing drug ever! What other drug can allow you to time travel back in time and space to visit your past self? This meth user, let's call him Gary, has clearly been on one wild ride. Most drugs merely get you high but what in the world does meth do?

Future Gary is clearly from the future and has something urgent to tell Past Gary. Future Gary has gone through a lot to do so. Why is Future Gary so beaten up? Are there dragons you must encounter during the nontime that takes place while your body travels? Did zombies take over North America because of Past Gary's decision to try meth and Future Gary has lost all of his friends and family in the fight? Has Future Gary traveled even further into the future and seen that meth will cause Even Further Future Gary to miss getting on a bus where he would meet his potential wife?

Why does Future Gary need money so badly? Does the American dollar truly fail one day and over time is all destroyed and Future Gary knows if he can get his hands on a some highly valuable collector's item 2009 US currency he will be rich in his own time? Does Future Gary need money so that he can purchase more meth because that is the key to time travel and he simply must get back to his own time? Does Future Gary simply enjoy nonsensical violence.

Why is Future Gary so violent? Does Future Gary know that we in the dead world of the past are only figments of reality and it does not matter if we are injured, is this his live action Grand Theft Auto? Is Future Gary some kind of weird racist that is racist against all races? Is Future Gary just trying to drive home the point to Past Gary that he means business?

I do not know the answers to these questions, but I do know I must find meth immediately. If I can travel back in time a few hours and tell Past Brandon not to eat at a Chinese buffet today for lunch it will all be worth it!