Pop Tarts

Pop Tarts make me feel like Miley Cyrus when they are playing her song. When I bite into a Pop Tart I just want to put my hands up, nod my head like "yeah" and move my hips like "yeah". I don't actually know what those lyrics mean exactly, but that is how Pop Tarts make me feel. They take me to a time of innocence when I was pretty sure Snake Eyes, Splinter, and Jake the Snake all hung out on the weekends. They take me to a time when I thought my mom was awesome just because she could toast Pop Tarts and if she ever left I would have to eat them cold. But most of all the take me back to a time when calories didn't matter and the woman who does my grocery shopping didn't refuse to buy them.

Blueberry, brown sugar cinnamon, cherry, chocolate fudge, raspberry, smores, strawberry, and wild berry. Pop Tarts come in lots of flavors and each packs about 5 grams of fat (1.5 of that being saturated), 200 calories, 7-10% of daily sodium intake, 12-13% of carbs, and 17-20 grams of sugar PER POP TART!

There are only a few rules with Pop Tarts.
1. No one eats one Pop Tart. They are consumed in pairs. Pop Tarts are sad when eaten without a friend.
2. Most foods require a plate, Pop Tarts are okay to eat off of a paper towel.
3. Unless you want to be ridiculed by everyone in your kindergarten class (like the booger eater) you should never eat Pop Tarts cold.
4. NO ONE EVER EVER EVER EATS UNFROSTED POP TARTS. EVER.............EVER.

So, rule #1 means when you decide to sit down with a package of Pop Tarts you are getting 400 calories and 40 sugars! This is why Pop Tarts are the food of children. It is not because we grow up and decide bran flakes are the proper thing to eat, it's because we are stuck at a desk all day and can't run around the yard all day pretending to be a dragon slayer and due to that we burn close to -35 calories a day. I love Pop Tarts. They are the pinnacle of pastries. When I spent about 50% of my day in constant motion I could chow down on them, but now when 71% (literally, I did the math)of my day is spent either at work or in bed I have to eat a Kashi bar with my eyes closed tight while I try my hardest to remember what it felt like as my teeth crunched down on a frosted outside, sugary filling, and a thin pastry crust.