Pop Tarts

Pop Tarts make me feel like Miley Cyrus when they are playing her song. When I bite into a Pop Tart I just want to put my hands up, nod my head like "yeah" and move my hips like "yeah". I don't actually know what those lyrics mean exactly, but that is how Pop Tarts make me feel. They take me to a time of innocence when I was pretty sure Snake Eyes, Splinter, and Jake the Snake all hung out on the weekends. They take me to a time when I thought my mom was awesome just because she could toast Pop Tarts and if she ever left I would have to eat them cold. But most of all the take me back to a time when calories didn't matter and the woman who does my grocery shopping didn't refuse to buy them.

Blueberry, brown sugar cinnamon, cherry, chocolate fudge, raspberry, smores, strawberry, and wild berry. Pop Tarts come in lots of flavors and each packs about 5 grams of fat (1.5 of that being saturated), 200 calories, 7-10% of daily sodium intake, 12-13% of carbs, and 17-20 grams of sugar PER POP TART!

There are only a few rules with Pop Tarts.
1. No one eats one Pop Tart. They are consumed in pairs. Pop Tarts are sad when eaten without a friend.
2. Most foods require a plate, Pop Tarts are okay to eat off of a paper towel.
3. Unless you want to be ridiculed by everyone in your kindergarten class (like the booger eater) you should never eat Pop Tarts cold.
4. NO ONE EVER EVER EVER EATS UNFROSTED POP TARTS. EVER.............EVER.

So, rule #1 means when you decide to sit down with a package of Pop Tarts you are getting 400 calories and 40 sugars! This is why Pop Tarts are the food of children. It is not because we grow up and decide bran flakes are the proper thing to eat, it's because we are stuck at a desk all day and can't run around the yard all day pretending to be a dragon slayer and due to that we burn close to -35 calories a day. I love Pop Tarts. They are the pinnacle of pastries. When I spent about 50% of my day in constant motion I could chow down on them, but now when 71% (literally, I did the math)of my day is spent either at work or in bed I have to eat a Kashi bar with my eyes closed tight while I try my hardest to remember what it felt like as my teeth crunched down on a frosted outside, sugary filling, and a thin pastry crust.

Pre-Sports Music

Calm. Mild Mannered. Even keeled. These are terms that many people would probably use to describe me. Like most people, I tend to get pumped up and act like a contestant on "Wild and Crazy Kids" when I am with my friends. At work, church, pumping gas, or when I am covertly buying feminine hygiene products for the wife I am a pretty low-key dude. Shop at The Gap, listen to 1580 AM radio, have a lab, drive a Subaru, enjoy eating chicken at most meals, and I have no tattoos, body piercings, facial hair, or even gel in my hair. Boring, normal, white American.

This all changes when I am gearing up to play the high octane, severely contact sports that are tennis, Ultimate frisbee, and long distance running (but not too long distance thanks to my chronic asthma and love of all things chocolate). As I drive to the public parks to play these sports played by fathers, grandfathers, church goers, and girls I have to be 100% amped up for destruction. When I gently toss the frisbee so it floats over the head of that guy I know from the local organization against under age drinking and right into the hands of the girl who is in a prayer group with my wife I need adrenaline coursing through my veins like Bulls On Parade.

Bulls On Parade by Rage Against The Machine. This is one of my classic songs that I listen to as I drive 3 miles over the speed limit to play a pick up game of a sport where "The disk never lies" is how one decides confrontation. Please take the time to picture me driving down the road in my Subaru littered with stickers from National Parks while banging my head and screaming at the top of my lungs to the following lyrics.

"Come wit it now!
Come wit it now!
The microphone explodes, shattering the molds
Ya either drop tha hits like de la O or get tha f*** off tha commode
Wit tha sure shot, sure ta make tha bodies drop
Drop an don't copy yo, don't call this a co-opt
Terror rains drenchin', quenchin' tha thirst of tha power dons
That five sided fist-a-gon
Tha rotten sore on tha face of mother earth gets bigger
Tha triggers cold now empty ya purse

they rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells

Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal
I walk tha corner to tha rubble that used to be a library
Linin' to the mind cemetery now
What we don't know keeps tha contracts alive an movin'
They don't gotta burn tha books they just remove 'em
While arms warehouses fill as quick as tha cells
Rally round tha family, pockets full of shells

Rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells
They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells

Bulls on parade!
Bulls on parade!
Bulls on parade!
Bulls on parade!
Bulls on parade!"

Notice how I put *stars* where the cuss word is in the song. I didn't do that simply because my wife would beat me up if I cussed on my blog, I did that because that is what I do when I am yelling along with Zack de la Rocha. I sing every word except for the curse words.

Another favorite of mine to listen to before I play in these games is "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ8_dswW-18&feature=related

Yep, when I sit in church every week and sing lyrics like "You're the light in this darkness, you're the hope to the hopeless" apparently I am really thinking "The world is a vampire, sent to drain. Secret destroyers hold you up to the flame".

What is wrong with me? Why must I listen to music that promotes anarchy and despair before playing some of the most peaceful sports ever invented by man? Why do lyrics that don't jive with who I am as a person seem to pump me up so much? Is it necessary for me to believe that I would rally around my family with a pocket full of shells while secret destroyers hold me up to flame just to volley a little fuzzy greenish yellow ball back at my opponent?

I don't know, but I do know that upon reaching my destination I am eager to violently embarrass my opponent, I am ready to punch someone in the gut as I slowly count to ten while they hold a frisbee looking for an open man, and more than anything I am just really really worn out and ready to take a nap.

3-D

So, it is looking more and more like 3-D is here to stay. Currently movies that were filmed in 2-D are being doctored up after the fact to be 3-D and most blockbuster type movies planned for the future are planned to be filmed in 3-D. TVs are even starting to come out in 3-D although most of us won't be able to afford one until after the Apocalypse.

I have only seen two movies in 3-D and they were Up and Avatar. Up was lame. Avatar was wild. Avatar was such an event type movie that I enjoyed the 3-D but at the same time it made it more of an event and less of a movie I could immerse myself in.

I have two main problems with 3-D today. One is the glasses. I understand the need for the glasses for it to work but until we figure out a way to do 3-D without them I will not be a fan. The entire time I watch a movie in 3-D I think two things. The first thing I think is, "Wow, this movie looks amazing. How in the world is it three dimensional?". The second thing I think is, "Wow, these glasses are so annoying. how in the world am I supposed to focus on the movie with these things on my face?". Not good. Apparently Nintendo is coming out with a Nintendo 3D DS which will be in 3D and may not require glasses. If this technology works and they can work it into the movie platform this will alleviate one of my issues.

My other issue is the price. In Columbus the prices are $11.75 a piece right now or $9.25 for matinee. For real? I pay $18.18 a month to be a 3 DVD at a time member of Netflix. Let's figure I watch 2 (I watch way more) movies a week, or 8.67 movies a month. That means I pay $2.10 a movie for both Katherine and myself to watch it, compared to $23.50 at the theater in 3-D. Over 11 times more! Now, I love going to the movies. It is one of my favorite past times. But, I also take pride in running a good family budget and there is just no way this works into it.

In the past people who spend like crazy have affected very few but themselves. But, because 3-D movies keep breaking records production companies are not only making more movies in 3-D, but getting more screens switched to 3-D and raising the prices even more. If you will pay it they will charge it. So I just want to take this time to thank all of the people out there who despite the scary economy are spending so much money on 3-D that I may never be able to afford it again. Call me cheap, but I am not paying 11 times more that I have to for any product.

Anyways, I am not a fan of 3-D. Too expensive and the glasses make me feel like I am watching a movie and less like I am a cat like pirate wearing a suit made of iron while floating in a house held aloft by balloons. Everyone else enjoy the theaters, I will be at home remembering we are in a recession.